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Friends...
Friends...
What I've wanted since I was 14 or 15 was a "best friend". I've always wanted a "best friend",
and I had them most of my early life. Of course, the definition of that changes with time as you grow and mature, and the
friendship has to grow as well.
I've learned that what I really want isn't a "best friend" but a "true friend". I always called them
best friends because I assumed that to get the closeness I imagined, a large commitment of time was needed.
That's not it at all though. A true friend simply needs to be close to you, and understand you.
So what is a true friend? I think the answer to that will solve much of my confusion.
- A true friend is honest, we can start
there. That means they will tell you the truth, even if they think it might hurt you. If you show them a web site you made,
a picture you drew, a story you wrote...they won't be afraid to tell you it's not good, but they will see both the good and bad
in it. They will explain the bad as they see it and help you improve upon that. In that process, they will help you grow as a
person and as an artist/writer/developer/whatever.
- A true friend is close. They truly understand you. This is where time does play a factor I think. It is hard for someone who
sees you once every month or two to truly know you. I think seeing you once per week or more is a requirement. This is a person
that knows what the two of you both enjoy doing together, and can truly connect to you in that. When something is bothering you,
they have an idea what it is, or can help you figure it out if you can't.
- A true friendship is also stable. You find things that you both enjoy doing. Sometimes there is no one else who enjoys doing
these particular things with you, sometimes there is one or two other people. But you both make it a point to enjoy the important
things together. If you both love nature and hiking, you hike with them, even if you do it with another friend too. If you both
love tennis, you play that with them, even if your husband also loves it and you play with him. You make sure that you don't
neglect your friend's needs, as they may not have another friend to do it with, and they will do the same for you. Your friend
is there for you when you need them, not if it fits their schedule. They're someone you can count on.
- A true friend understands when something is truly important to you, and will go with you to that event or do that thing even if
it's not particularly interesting to them. Sometimes, we have interests and we have no one to enjoy them with. True friends
enjoy your company. Even if they're indifferent to what this important thing is to you, they do it with you anyway, and they
truly enjoy it because it's time they get to spend with you. They also understand that you don't want to be humored. If you
ask if they want to do it they don't just say 'whatever, if you want'. They know that they'll have fun spending time with you,
and more importantly they will enjoy getting to see you do something you love so much, so they respond with enthusiasm and truly
mean it...there is nothing greater than seeing a friend get a chance to do something truly meaningful to them, and share it with
you.
- A true friend trusts and respects you. They listen to what you have to say about quantitative things and have faith that you've
done the research to be taken reasonably seriously. They listen to what you have to say about life, values, feelings, and all
the other things that can't be measured, and they take your opinion and consider it seriously, seeing it as a completely valid
viewpoint. They believe you when you ask them to, even if it seems implausible, because they trust you. They treat you with
respect, and never look down upon you.
- A true friend does not yell at you, or let their anger control their feelings towards you. They remember the respect
and love they have for you, and force the anger back before they hurt both themselves and you. They realize it's okay to
agree to disagree, and they understand that your opinion is just as valid as theirs. They don't force you to change, but
lend a supporting hand if you ask them to help you.
A true friend is a part of you. They enrich your life and you theirs. You are a priority. They do not place money, social
status, or anything else over you. They do not move to another state to take a job paying an extra $15k/year assuming they
can make new friends when they get there (if they do, they were not true friends). Friends are a part of each other forever,
and when you rip them apart, the wound may begin to heal, but the scar will always remain and it will ALWAYS be painful. The
pain is not worth another $15k/year, or even another $150k/year. A new Ferrari cannot take the place of your once true friend.
A true friend is a natural extension of yourself. Not because you were always a part of each other, but because you've helped
each other grow, and have left a mark on one another's lives in the process. You have placed part of yourself in their hearts,
and they have left a piece of themselves in your heart. A true friend will make you a better person, and will allow you to live
a life more fulfilling than you could ever have understood possible before.
I will search for nothing harder in life, than for a true friend...
Copyright note: Please do not reproduce this information, in whole or in part, without first emailing me and gaining permission.
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